Candidates For The World's Worst Record

C'mon, everybody's got an opinion for this topic - let's hear it!
My nominees:
(LP) "Love Songs (With A New Accent)" by Manfred Voss (forgot the label name - it was out of Chicago, Illinois) - a glorified songwriter's demo with cheesy homemade graphics on the cover (it WAS mass-produced - it's not a one-shot, folks) and some of the most stomach-wrenching originals ever pressed into vinyl. Manfred has a good voice - it's the material he's roped with. And it's poorly recorded - the stereo separation is like miles apart - and the songs have no tempo to speak of (most are waltzes...sort of) with tons of breaks in the rhythm.
(45) "You Don't Care What Happens To Me" - Belle Starr (Belle Starr Records) - Belle doesn't care that she can't sing, but that didn't stop her from putting out this single on her own vanity label with a picture sleeve (guess what? her looks match the voice...). It's Country-Western which just CRAWLS at a snail's pace and Miss Starr (no relation to Ringo) couldn't hit a correct note with a shotgun. I have a feeling this was put out as a joke.
(78) "It's The Top Of Everything" - Miller's Merrymakers (Bluebird) - a one-take "Western" wonder on a relatively major label, this has everything that qualifies it as a baddie: a whining vocal (By Beethoven Miller...really!), an off-key guitar and a tempo which finishes slightly FASTER than it starts out. But you know what? I like it.

Probably the worst record I ever had was "18 Super Hits" on Pickwick records (33 rpm). A mediorcre band with a female singer who couldn't stay on key did knock-offs (mechanical royalty) of the hit songs of the early 1970s.

The worst 45 I ever had (and one of the few records I ever parted with) was "The Love of My Man" by Barbara West. The singer's voice was totally overshadowed by the out-of-tune piano. It was in one of those sight-unseen 10-record 45 packs that sold for a dollar (you could see one of the labels on one end of the box, which was a record I wanted). I gave it away with a turntable I sold.

The worst 78 I ever had was "Santa's Surprise", a record that someone gave me as a kid. I thought it was stupid back then. Of course, I didn't realize at the time that the record was in the American 78 curve, which made it sound awful in RIAA.

Dishonorable mentions:

- I have several records where the spindle hole and the grooves are not concentric with each other. Most of them have the grooves off center, with the spindle hole concentric with the record rim. But two of them have the hole off center instead. I don't consider them truly worst, because I can remove the spindle from my Garrard or my PE and play them.

- "TV For Eyes" by Chrome - This album didn't make any sense. The music was extremely quiet electric bass through a fuzz box. I bought it by mistake, because I wanted the band Chromium (which also went by Chrome).

- "Do the Choo Choo" Archie Bell and the Drells - One of the most uninteresting records I ever got. It was in one of those sight-unseen 10-record 45 packs that sold for a dollar. This was also in that same 10-record 45 pack.

- I have several records which have a hit song on one side, but have totally blank grooves on the other side.

- I have one 12" 33 single from the 1970s with no grooves at all on the other side. I have to be careful, if I play it in a stack, to not turn the stack over.

- I have a record by the Shadows of Knight which has a stupid interview of the band members on the flip side.

Regarding "knock-off" albums: yours is probably not the case, but there were a couple famous artists who started their careers on those budget labels. A Design label LP, "Out Of Sight", includes "Cycle Annie" by The Beach-Nuts which features Lou Reed on vocals. I guess Elton John did some knock-off albums in England in the late-1960s, too. When I worked for a record store, I tried to create a "Played And Sung Like The Original Artists" section filled with all sorts of knock-offs. The concept never got past the warehouse, however.
"Do The Choo-Choo" - I just found that recently. A blatant follow-up (to "Tighten Up") if ever I heard one.
Mispressings are a pain. I've got the Grateful Dead's debut 45 on Warner Bros. with an extra-wide center hole (it was pressed that way - it wasn't wrecked by an adapter), a reissue of The Ides Of March's "Vehicle" with the label pressed so far off-center that half of the grooves are covered, and a James Taylor 45 which never had the center hole stamped out...a totally unplayed record!
Regarding the Shadows Of Knight: that wasn't "Potato Chip", was it? The cardboard picture record? Yeah, that's a pretty dumb interview. My favorite part is the backwards track which reveals itself to say "Waitress, where's my Styrofoam well done?"!!!!

That explains why I can't find it! It is "Potato Chip." I have a special holder for cardboard records and soundsheets, to keep them flat. I was looking for it in with two of their 45s I have.

When I DJ, I use their "From Way Out to Way Under" as my opening and closing theme. I got the idea from a radio show that always began and ended with Booker T and the MGs' "Time is Tight." But occasionally, I use my own "South Bend's Main Line" for the theme.

If you have an automatic changer with a removable spindle you can play the record with no hole. Some of them (such as the PE I have) will repeat the record without the spindle in place. Others (Dual and Garrard) shut off.

I once heard a DJ claim he could play only one side of a record, because there was no hole in the other side, but I think he was pulling out legs.

If it was a really unusual record, I would've made some sort of attempt to play it, but it's a common James Taylor hit - suitable for framing, that's about it.
"From Way Out To Way Under", huh? That vintage Shadows Of Knight is OK...just not the classic group (I guess it's Jim Sohns and whover they could find for a studio band). "The Behemoth" might shake up a few listeners...
A candidate for worst instrumental is on the flip side of one of those "song poem" 45's, something like "Dowagiac School March" (can't think of the exact title), which sounds like some grade-school pageant kind of theme. THERE'S an instrumental which should never be used for an opening theme...not unless you want to force people to turn their radios OFF!

World's Worst Record - We're talking "record," as in vinyl, and we're talking either whole LP or just one 45.... hmmm.... for sheer jaw-dropping unexpected-ness, I'd have to go with the Chris Colombo solo album on Mercury from 1975. The guy looks like a typical L.A. macho hippie (you know the type, open shirt, big medallion, come hither look), but the songs inside... A small, squeaky bubblegum voice doing little pop ditties. Very incongruous! One the strangest in my collection.

Stephen M.H. Braitman

http://www.MusicAppraisals.com

http://www.NeedleScreech.com

I'll bet Mercury lost their shirt (gold chain, chest hair and all) on THAT one.
For me, the epitome of The World's Worst Record would have to have all three of these qualifiers: lousy vocals, lousy lyrics and lousy production / backing. Most of my "bad" records have two of the three qualifiers - I've have some decent vocalists who are stuck singing lousy material and I have examples of poor singers with pretty-good backing. For some reason, the majority of my "bad" discs are either kid vocalists or Country artists. Don't get me wrong - I have no prejudices against either of these - but it's just that the ones who can't hold a note without scaffolding seem to fall into one or the other category. I'm sure it's the Osmond/Jackson Syndrome in the case of the kid singers, where some stage-struck parent(s) say "Hey, my kid has talent, too, and I'm gonna have him make a record to prove it!" As for the Country artists, it's either the Ego Factor or somebody cut a record with some fly-by-night operation hoping to make a Big Break - y'know, "YOU TOO CAN BECOME A BIG STAR!!!" But I do have examples of other genres, too: R & B, Contemporary (I just picked up an AWFUL record titled "Dear God Don't Let War Be The Answer" which is a Vietnam protest song in the guise of a 3/4 time Gospel-sounding tune...the way the guy pronounces it, it sounds like he's singing "Vienna" instead of "Vietnam"), Rock (but most of those are just too enjoyable to qualify as Bad) and others.
I just picked up a couple lousy Christmas 45s - more info on this later.

My vote an incredibly rare song called "Fluffy" by a woman who cannot stay on pitch, stay in the key of the song, or get her timing right. She also messes up the lyrics on one refrain. It's so unbelievably bad, but no one knows about it (for a good reason). If you really want to hear it (for God knows what reason), buy Rhino's LP of the "World's Worst Records, Volume One". It's on there.

One more vote I have is "Downtown" by Mrs. Miller. It's a close second.

Why would anyone make an LP like that?

Any recorded music whatsoever in the disco genre.

I'd have to disagree with that. Disco is one of my favorite genres. I just got tired of the Bee Gees quite quickly. Most people think of Bee Gees when they think of disco. But some of my favorite records are disco:

Chromium: "Star to Star", and their 12" single "Caribbean Air Control".
Anything by Meco Monardo, especially his disco version of the "Wizard of Oz".
"The Wiz"
Disco Circus (with a very nicely done disco version of "In a Gadda da Vida")
The Sound Of Philadelphia
"Thank God It's Friday" (the album, not the song)
The Beach Boys did a disco release of "Here Comes the Night." I like it better than the original.
The Maranatha Singers did one.
I have a record of original Beatles recordings remastered with a disco beat.
Many of the Abba songs are disco too.

Much of the "House" material is based on disco.

If there is a genre I do not like, it is the blues from the early 1960s. But I don't thinkl it is right to condemn an entire genre.

More on this. The anti-disco movement, Disco S---s (the censor won't let me put the name), was started in 1979 by Steve Dahl, a rock DJ who lost his job when the station he worked for went disco. A white supremacy group then worked to spread this hatred for disco, because it glorified black music. Rock producers also supported this movement, because they were losing money.

Oh,I have real goodie er,stinker. A 45 by Philly's very own Ben Crass,he of the tacky Crass Brothers tv ads.It's on
the South Street label.The songs are Ma,She's Making Eyes At Me & In A Shanty In Old Shanty Town. ewwwww.

Bob
rwoltanski@hotmail.com

lol, I've got that one on an early compilation LP using cover bands...it's shocking!
I think this is one of the worst in my collection. It makes me want to throw up!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSpKbKKwrco